Sunday, December 03, 2006

Melancholic optimist--OR why I have a split personality...

We have begun to tell friends about our likely move in the next year. This is a really big deal for me. I get lost in my thoughts and would happily live inside my own head, so I am more than happy to plan and dream and wonder about something forever and keep it all to myself. As I have started talking seriously to my parents and extended family, and especially now that we have started sharing it with our inner circle of friends it's becoming real to me.

Tomorrow, I need to talk to my whole ministry team about it. Then I need to talk to my boss, who himself is leaving sooner rather than later. Then we need to talk to our pastor and his wife. Every time I speak it out loud, it is realer. I am very emotional about the whole thing, weepy and frightened sometimes, excited and dreamy at other times. My husband is so even-keeled that he could withstand a hurricane of change, I think, without mussing up his hair. I, however, have a deeply melancholic heart but an optimistic spirit which yanks me simultaneously in two different directions.

And all of this is still not set in stone--it is still a topic of prayer. But my brain and spirit keep pulling me back to Lexington, Kentucky. Over and over again. A place I haven't even visited yet, but a town which may be our home in 2007 or 2008. A place where we will raise our kids, my husband will work as a nurse practitioner and I will homeschool our kids and pursue a doctorate--I hope! A place where we don't yet know anyone, but we'll surely settle in and make a community, just as we've done here. A place where I will spend my 40s! I turn 39 next week and it's hard to believe that someone so young could be getting to be a woman of a certain age. Didn't pushing 40 used to be much older than this??

I'm tired. Emotionally exhausted. And rambling.

Good night.

Micah Girl

3 Comments:

Blogger kevin beck said...

Micah Girl,
I just found you blog and love it.

I turned 39 back in August, and I hope to spend my 40s (50s, 60, 70s, 80, 90s) right here in Colorado Springs.

I resonate with your melancholic heart with an optimistic spirit. That's a beautiful way of putting it.

Looking forward to reading more here. Blessings to you

4:13 PM  
Anonymous Steve said...

You'll be smarter and funnier in your 40's. Trust me.

1:40 AM  
Blogger MicahGirl said...

Thank, Kevin for your kind words.

Steve, I hope you are right about being funnier and smarter--I definitely would like to be both of those things. One of my favorite verses is out of Proverb 31 and I frequently write it on birthday cards to women--She is clothed with strength and dignity--she can laugh at the days to come! That's my goal.

7:00 PM  

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