Saturday, March 12, 2005

Baby Hunger

I was everyone's favorite babysitter from the age of 11. I always loved babies, kids, mothering.... When I was in college I had a job babysitting a beautiful newborn girl, Georgina. I went into her mother's apartment, a woman only five or ten years older than me, whose wedding pictures and baby made her seem light years ahead of me. I was so blessed by the opportunity two afternoons a week to hold her baby while her mom left the cramped apartment to get out and have a break from the demands of motherhood.

I remember sitting on the floor with my legs crossed, with Georgina's little head crooked in my arm, her body close to mine, her face near my breast as I fed her her bottle. I was overwhelmed with the beauty of being a woman--although this child was not mine, and it would indeed be "light years" until I had my own, I had this sense of the power of womanhood to reproduce and nurture a child. I yearned for a baby of my own.

Over the years, as my friends began having babies, and as my sister had her second batch of kids, I wondered if I would ever have my own. It's an aching yearning to have children that many women experience. Even after I had my first little angel, I would be jonesing for another one whenever I saw a newborn. Now I am blessed with three from ages 3 to 6 and my heart is so content with them.

A friend of mine just had her first baby at 40 after years of infertility and I visited her in the hospital. Holding her little miracle, Sofia, I did not feel that hunger to have another of my own. I was grateful that I noticed this fact, but that it did not make me melancholy for that season of my life that has passed.

About a year ago when my baby was two, she came running to me with her arms open and I said to myself out loud, "There will never be anyone so beautiful as all of my babies, until I have my grandbabies." Thank you, Lord Jesus, for the family that you have blessed me with--my husband whom I adore, and the three most beautiful children in the world, who will retain that title until they have children of their own.

Micah Girl

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