Garrison Keillor on marriage
Garrison Keillor posts some wonderful advice to a young man on marriage. Here is the link to the whole post. This is better than most of the marriage preparation manuals that I have read. Here's the gist of it:
"Michael, you have come to the right person. I have more experience with marriage than almost anybody else. In general, the rules for marriage are similar to the rules for being in a lifeboat on the open ocean: don't crowd each other, no sudden moves, and keep all disastrous thoughts to yourself. Beyond that, I advise against long discussions about the Relationship — in fact, don't ever use the word "relationship" and you'll be ahead of the game. A relationship is what exists between fruit trees; what you and your beloved have is a hot romance and it is your job, Michael, to keep that romance hot, or at least toasty warm, and you do this by being faithful and avoiding the monster of jealousy, especially jealousy of the past, and also by using your imagination. And by not discussing the Relationship.
"Avoid arguments about money. Be generous.
"I know a couple in Florida, two of my Republican friends, who for thirty-five years have asked each other every day, "What do you need from me today?" and feel that this habit has kept them on track.
"But you do need to stick up for yourself. Some men make the mistake of being passive in the name of love, thinking to avoid conflict, and so they say "Yes, dear" about twenty-two thousand times and one morning they wake up and realize they are living someone else's life and not their own, and they blow up the lifeboat. So if you like to go shoot small defenseless creatures, and she doesn't like it, but you need to do it, then go do it.
"Michael, I have plenty of advice. Put another nickel in and you'll get more."
I especially appreciate the avoidance of talk about "the relationship" because I have a husband who is great at relationship, but like Garrison, prefers not to sit and dissect it like he's on Dr. Phil. Also, my marriage is indeed a lifeboat on the open sea of my life, and for the sake of both of us, we need for this thing to stay afloat!
"Michael, you have come to the right person. I have more experience with marriage than almost anybody else. In general, the rules for marriage are similar to the rules for being in a lifeboat on the open ocean: don't crowd each other, no sudden moves, and keep all disastrous thoughts to yourself. Beyond that, I advise against long discussions about the Relationship — in fact, don't ever use the word "relationship" and you'll be ahead of the game. A relationship is what exists between fruit trees; what you and your beloved have is a hot romance and it is your job, Michael, to keep that romance hot, or at least toasty warm, and you do this by being faithful and avoiding the monster of jealousy, especially jealousy of the past, and also by using your imagination. And by not discussing the Relationship.
"Avoid arguments about money. Be generous.
"I know a couple in Florida, two of my Republican friends, who for thirty-five years have asked each other every day, "What do you need from me today?" and feel that this habit has kept them on track.
"But you do need to stick up for yourself. Some men make the mistake of being passive in the name of love, thinking to avoid conflict, and so they say "Yes, dear" about twenty-two thousand times and one morning they wake up and realize they are living someone else's life and not their own, and they blow up the lifeboat. So if you like to go shoot small defenseless creatures, and she doesn't like it, but you need to do it, then go do it.
"Michael, I have plenty of advice. Put another nickel in and you'll get more."
I especially appreciate the avoidance of talk about "the relationship" because I have a husband who is great at relationship, but like Garrison, prefers not to sit and dissect it like he's on Dr. Phil. Also, my marriage is indeed a lifeboat on the open sea of my life, and for the sake of both of us, we need for this thing to stay afloat!
posted by MicahGirl at 7:38 AM
Who links to me?
3 Comments:
Micah Girl,
I got here via Bobbie's invitation to join the garden. I had no idea Garrison Keillor had a website. We've been fans since we moved to Minnesota in 1984. He helped us speak Minnesotan and not stick out like a sore thumb. Now that we've been in Colorado for a decade I've kind of lost track of him. It's good to know he's as wry as ever. Love your blog, Phyllis
A long time ago I saw Garrison Keillor on a NYC subway shortly after I was turned onto his writing, and I was starstruck. I kept staring at him until I am sure he was uncomfortable. What a geek I am.
Good blogging on marriage..
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