Marriage, passion and idolatry

Since I work with college students and it is my desire to lead them into passionate relationship with the Lord of the Universe, I think about devotion to Jesus often. I teach about it, sing about it, design worship experiences to engage them in it, and focus my ministry around it. And yet, when I look at my own heart, I wonder about Christ's priority in my own life.

Jesus is so real to me that I always feel He is right at my side. That is the privilege of having gone through suffering, that is the reward for having spent time in the depths. And yet in spite of His nearness, when I sing about Him being my single-minded passion, when I think about the joy of living solely for Him, I wonder do I really do that?

I also wonder if my marriage becomes a kind of idolatry if my husband has first place in my heart. Now I know that I should love and respect my husband, to seek to serve him in love and to commit myself to him for the rest of my life. What I have trouble with is figuring out how not to fall somehow into idolatry when Jesus is the true lover of my soul, and my wonderful husband is just a shadow of the universal romance that God has with His people.

Certainly my husband is not perfect and our relationship has conflict and bumps in the road but we truly love one another and seek to serve God together, to raise our family with love and creativity, and to enjoy one another's company. So how could I fear this imperfect vessel taking the place of God in my life?

Is this a musing that only happens in my own private universe or has anyone else ever wondered about this?

Micah Girl