Benign, benign

The biopsy came back and it was benign.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Micah Girl

Busy-ness as a blessing

Busy-ness is sometimes my friend. We have family in town and have been entertaining my brother-in-law, his wife and their two kids. All the cousins are really enjoying their time together. My sister-in-law has also come back and plans to live with us indefinitely. We are planning several days at the lake starting tonight.

Last night my kids went to the open house at their school to meet their teachers and to get a little taste of what public school will be like after being homeschooled all this time. I have a fourth grader, third grader and first grader, all at the same school less than five minutes from the house. I joined the PTA, signed up for volunteer spots and expect to spend a good bit of time there. The kids are excited and some of their nervousness has dissipated because the teachers are very kind and nurturing. I know that I will have some separation anxiety, but I feel certain this will be a good experience for the kids.

But by being busy all day, I don't have much time to worry about biopsies or not spending as much time with my kids. Instead I go about my day and only at night do my worries haunt me. Fortunately most nights I'm tired so I'm not up long...

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength [6] of my heart and my portion forever.

28 But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.

Psalm 73:25,26,28

17 O God, from my youth you have taught me,
and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds.
18 So even to old age and gray hairs,
O God, do not forsake me,
until I proclaim your might to another generation,
your power to all those to come.

Psalm 71:17,18

Anxiety

I have been having trouble sleeping because my mind goes into overdrive.

What if...

How will my family cope...

How could God allow...

Morbid thoughts swimming in my mind.

And yet, my God is faithful. He is in charge. He holds my days in His hand. Yet will I trust Him.

After many disciples turned away from Jesus, he asked the twelve if they also wanted to leave. I love Peter's response, and it is one that I often say in my own heart.

Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
John 6:68, 69

Although I am frightened, where else can I go? Only to Jesus who has the words of eternal life.

Biopsy scheduled

So yesterday I went for my 2nd mammogram. The technician squeezed me into several uncomfortable positions (although she was gentler than the first tech I had). There were two spots they were concerned about. One seemed to compress properly and not be problematic. The other one would not. The doctor read the films and called me in for an ultrasound. The ultrasound could not pick up the trouble spot because of the dense breast tissue which I just KNEW would be a problem. So she has scheduled me for a biopsy. When I found out, tears began streaming down my face. It took the doctor aback. I was shaken more than I expected. I understand that statistics are in my favor, that the biopsy is minimally invasive, that it's better to be safe than sorry. However, my emotions really got the best of me. I'm not so scared today, although I really didn't sleep much last night. The biopsy is in a little over two weeks which will be after my children have started school. Only my husband and one of my girlfriends knows. I've told no one else. It's too long a period of time to wait with uncertainty and having lots of people on alert. I don't know--I'll probably tell some people before the biopsy. I'm hoping it will be a non-issue. I'm trusting that God's got my life in his hands. I'm scared, but I'll make it.

I shall not be afraid

This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise,in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 56:9b-11 From the daily reading today at Book of Common Prayer Daily Office Lectionary.

I have a second mammogram today. I'm sure it will be nothing, but you never know. I had my first baseline mammogram about a month and a half ago, and I just knew that I would have to go for a second. I've read that women with dense breast tissue often require 2nd readings. I'm not looking forward to it, but I am trusting that I'll get a good report and I am very grateful that I have health insurance. I shall not be afraid.

Micah Girl

I'm on Facebook!

Well, that is, I'm on Facebook--not "Micah Girl." I held off joining for years and finally decided to sign up this week. It's been fun to see who else is on it and to reconnect with some people. I've been trying to show tremendous self-restraint and not be on it all the time. It's also strange because my only other major internet presence is anonymous blogging, and Facebook is the opposite of anonymous. I'm also mindful of the fact that once I get back into school or get another "real job" people are going to be checking it out, so I want it to be personal and honest, but keep it professional enough not to be embarassed about silliness. The thing I love about this blog is that I have freedom to just say what's on my mind without fear of a job interviewer quoting me on it.

My parents are coming to visit us for a week at the end of August/beginning of September and I am so excited! I've missed them so much, and I just pray that my dad especially will enjoy the time here and won't find it too stressful. He loves his routine and his health is not great (but I don't think his health is as bad as he thinks it is.)

I am studying for my GREs now and it's been interesting to see how much I have forgotten. However, I am slowly getting back to speed, especially with the math and geometry which I did manage to get A's and B's on (back in the 80's). The verbal part is just fun for me, and I relish reviewing vocabulary lists because I am that kind of geek. Ah, to be a full time geek again, how fun will that be??

It looks like another beautiful day. My kids are off to swim classes and then we have another young friend coming over to spend the afternoon. That means I'll have some time to study some more and just to sit and think. As if I don't do enough of that already.